When we got home, we followed our time up with an amazing movie. If you haven't already seen "The Ultimate Gift", it is a must-watch! Trust me ladies (and men too :), you don't want to miss this moving story!
Before the movie, I had goose bumps just thinking about all the things I wanted to write today. Of course, here I am now, puzzled over the fact that I can't quite take myself back to the emotions that I was feeling... darn it!
I've really been pondering the wonderful gifts that God has given me. I'm not talking about spiritual gifts but rather referring to the blessings that are affecting my life right now. I won't go so far as to say that all the surgeries I've had are blessings in and of themselves, but I cannot deny that the blessings that have come about as a result of all this are incredible and just what I need. First off, we have an amazing health insurance company that covers virtually all of my bills completely. I'll probably be worth half a million in insurance claims alone by the end of the year, but I have paid almost nothing for the coverage. Thank you Jesus!
I also think about the things I'm learning, the character that is being built in me. I think about the fact that I have a greater understanding of what many of my patients go through. I'm learning long-suffering. I'd like to believe I'm learning patience too. And I'm learning to depend on God. I'm seeing the world through a different set of lenses, truly. Life is better for me, it really is. I take delight in the smallest things in life now. I'm more content. My hope is strong and steadfast. A mountain could be moved by the faith I've grown. I see God's goodness in most every situation, even those that seem unbearable. God is so much more to me now. God is everything.
And where do I begin when I talk about our family and friends? We have received visitor after visitor, meal after meal, prayer after prayer, and we keep receiving! Admittedly, far less people have come to visit this time around, which has been hard. I think some of our support system is a bit tired of supporting. I have to pray myself through this one. I don't like being on the receiving end anymore than anyone else does. Trust me, I would be up volunteering around town if I could. Sometimes I get down when I see that people are worn out from serving us. I guess I should expect that, but I honestly don't want to. I want to believe that no matter how long a brother or sister suffers, I would be there the whole way. But who knows. Maybe I would falter too. I often want to scream and shout "It's not like I chose this life!" Hmmm... why does all this make me sad? I went from talking about how great things are for me to what makes me hurt. Guess that's the roller coaster ride I'm on right now.
Thanks for sticking around to read the ups and downs. That's life, right?!
Mostly Up, Occasionally Down,
Jessie
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