Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Too Much!

Wow!  Has it already been a few weeks since my last post?  I can't quite decide if time has flown by or slowly drifted by.  This blog hiatus was definitely not intentional.  Life has been crazy lately, and I'm a bit overwhelmed with the complication of it all!

Billdad, my beloved grandfather, finally got to pass through the pearly gates last Thursday.  For about a week prior to his passing, we kept a daily 24 hour vigil at his bedside as he became unable to eat and take care of himself.  His physical deterioration was quite rapid and severely difficult for me to handle.  I may be a nurse that deals with death and dying in my profession, but when it comes to family members, forget about it; I'm off duty!  I think Billdad's death has been especially trying for me because I am the oldest of the grandkids on his side.  There is a lot more to being the oldest than one might think.  As I spent the last few days keeping watch, John asked me what my wish would be.  I simply stated, "that he would be able to hear me when I tell him I love him."  You see, Billdad lost so much of his hearing in his last few years on Earth that he got to the point where he was completely unable to hear and understand a single word that I spoke.  We would have to use a translator, someone with a lower voice.  As he lay on the bed that evening, I quietly spoke into his worst ear, "I love you Billdad."  He gently replied, "I love you too."  The tears began flowing from my eyes as I knew that the LORD had done just what John said he could do... open Billdad's ears to hear that treasured expression I so longed to speak.  After that, he never heard another word I said; not one.  How beautiful it must have been to hear the words "I love you" as the last he would ever audibly receive from me.  Thank you Jesus!

I could probably verbosely express so much more about my precious grandfather and the events surrounding his entrance into eternity, but I think I'll allow myself some more time to process everything.  For those of you who knew about his death, thank you for your support of our family.  We have been blessed by many amazing meals, gorgeous flowers, desserts galore, and so much more.  The community of believers has been the body to us that Christ calls it to be.  We are so thankful.

Well, I haven't given an update on my knee in quite some time.  I still go to physical therapy 3 times per week.  I am almost 5 weeks out from surgery and still not allowed to bear weight on that left leg.  A return visit to the surgeon next week almost guarantees the go-ahead to start trying to walk again.  As soon as I get an answer, I will post it for all of my faithful prayer warriors to read.  Unfortunately, my right knee is not doing too well, and my doc says that there is a high probability that I'll need a bone transplant on it as well.  If you're keeping score, I've had 5 surgeries on the left knee and 2 on the right knee.  Some days I have to stop and think about the numbers... too many to keep track of!  I'll hopefully be having an MRI done this month to determine the problem.  Keep praying!

John's business is going uber-slowly right now.  I so do not enjoy watching our savings account dwindle to nothing.  I struggle with the fact that I cannot return to work yet.  The LORD always provides for our every need, and I have to daily remind myself of this.  The fact of the matter is that I feel so out of control and there seems to be nothing I can do to handle the reins.  I've never been a coupon-clipper, but maybe I need to start doing that.  Help me, LORD, to refrain from frivolous spending and find alternative ways to cut costs.  Feel free to pray for our finances however God leads you.

Despite everything that is going on, I continually praise God for his faithfulness to us.  I am so thankful for BSF- the in-depth study of the Word I get and the wonderful women who also attend and spur me on.  God is good, isn't he?!

There is too much to say.  I think I'll stop here tonight :)

Thanks for sticking with me,

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